Circumstances for learning this attention exercise
grocery shopping, running errands
at a party you’ve been looking forward to or dreading
taking a walk and passing people going in the opposite direction
One of the attention skills we develop through mindfulness practice is equanimity, which I sometimes refer to as adaptive composure.
Equanimity isn't about forcing yourself to accept situations. It's a skill that enables you to observe sensations with less internal interference.
As you become more adept at allowing complex perceptions to unfold with less excessive control from inside, the acceptance of situations has a better chance of emerging naturally.
Experiencing equanimity behind the wheel
Consider when highway construction forces you and the other drivers around you into a slow crawl. Instead of trying to accept the delay, try shifting your focus to the specific sights, sounds, and sensations around you.
Look for visual elements of the car in front of you that isn’t moving either (e.g., colors, shapes, reflections, etc.). Listen to the music or a podcast conversation playing through your radio. Notice any tension in your shoulders and jaw. Scan for sensations related to restlessness stirring in your stomach or chest.
You might even hear your mental chatter about other drivers or see scenes flashing across your mental screen as you imagine arriving late.
Each instance of this noticing will be brief. It’s not about condoning your situation or blaming anyone. It’s about learning to become fascinated by the raw perceptions for a few seconds at a time and resist them a little less.
Observable perceptions almost always include a blend of unpleasant, pleasant, and neutral details. By closely observing them one at a time, you can practice calibrating a neutral and open response to them, whether you prefer them or not.
Cultivating equanimity is visceral
This can be challenging because we often unconsciously resist unpleasant sensations while clinging to the pleasant ones. We usually don't notice this dynamic because we're too busy trying to solve specific problems in our lives.
As adults who generally have a good grasp of concepts and problem-solving, we tend to approach equanimity as something to understand conceptually. The mindful awareness opportunity is to collect direct, tangible experiences of what equanimity feels like in the body.
The understanding isn't intellectual. It's visceral. It involves becoming deeply familiar with the sensations and perceptions of being alive and how we relate to them in real-time.
Equanimity isn't rare or even special
We all experience moments of equanimity throughout the day, but it can be easy to overlook them when we’re focused on unresolved problems.
Equanimity is readily available in situations where nothing requires improvement, but it can be easy to miss. Noticing spontaneous equanimity makes ordinary moments feel more vibrant and alive. Remembering to notice is the essence of mindfulness practice.
Examples include taking an unrushed shower at your perfect water temperature, listening to music you love, taking a walk in a pleasant location, enjoying a favorite snack, or watching your dog or cat sleeping peacefully.
Exercise
This exercise explores a fun way to work with noticing sensations related to facial expressions. With practice, intentionally smiling can evoke equanimity—a natural, but often counter-instinctual willingness to accept sensations as they are. Instead of forcing yourself to like something unpleasant, you allow your body to process the resistance gently.
