When big feelings arise, it’s natural to want to shrink and shirk them, but these instincts can lead us into dangerous territory. Before we realize it, our habitual reactions become compulsions that undermine our well-being.

In this episode, we welcome Mark Freeman, author of You Are Not A Rock, to share his journey from struggling with OCD to becoming a mental health advocate, mental fitness coach, and global nomad.

Together, we discuss:

• Building mental health skills like we develop physical fitness

• Approaching a values-driven life the way we learn to bake good cookies

• Considering the sorts of communities that support growth and recovery

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Show notes

• You Are Not a Rock: A Step-by-Step Guide to Better Mental Health (for Humans) by Mark Freeman, a game-changing book I discovered last year that continues to shape how I respond to my compulsive impulses.

• Mental Fitness Coaching

• Mark’s YouTube channel @everybodyhasabrain and Instagram @markwfreeman

• The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

  

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

Big feelings can pull us here and there, but often in the direction of pleasure and away from discomfort. Dopamine plays a role, but what exactly does it do for us, and how can we be wise and mindful when following its influence?

In this episode, we welcome our first-ever guest, Dr. Anastasia Hronis, author of The Dopamine Brain.

Together, we discuss:

• The horrible inevitability of sitting with discomfort

• Our pursuit of feeling good and where it might lead us astray

• And why values are essential on our path to live rich and meaningful lives

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Show notes

• Dr. Anastasia Hronis (LinkedIn, Instagram)

• The Dopamine Brain: Your Science-Backed Guide to Balancing Pleasure and Purpose

• “Psychologist Answers Questions about the Impact of Dopamine,” University of Technology Sydney, September 18, 2024

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

Plot twists are an exciting feature of our favorite stories, but can be the most harrowing experiences of our actual lives.

In this episode, we reveal:

• The major plot twists of our lives and how we survived them

• The painful exercise in pushing through when life shoves us into the unknown

• How to exist in the story before growth, closure, or resolution

• And why resilience looks much messier, sloppier, and tear-stained than we ever expected

Show notes

• The Plot and The Sequel by Jean Hanff Korelitz
  

• I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman
  

• Ash’s Journal Prompts for Inner Weirdness & Wisdom and 7 Side Quests

  For a Less Ordinary Life
  

• “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
  
  ~ Søren Kierkegaard
  

• "What the American public always wants is a tragedy with a happy ending."
  
  ~ William Dean Howells
  

• Diener, E., Wirtz, D., & Oishi, S. (2001). End effects of rated life quality: The James Dean Effect. Psychological Science, 12(2), 124–128. [PubMed]
  
  This research explores how the ending of a life influences the perceived desirability of that life.

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen. Check out her latest release.

Navigating life as a flawed human being is a messy, unpredictable, and imperfect art. So, how can so many people successfully position themselves as experts on the matter? Is it possible to be objective about your emotional competence when a key aspect of your personality is to feel your feelings strongly?

In this episode, we:

• call bullshit on self-proclaimed wellness experts

• confront the impostor syndrome friction that mental health professionals experience when their personal lives are falling apart

• celebrate the power and skill of truly witnessing someone, which doesn’t require a certificate

Show notes

• Sorrow and Bliss: A Novel by Meg Mason
  

• A therapist lacking expertise, as portrayed by Daren Thomas Magee.
  

• “The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” ~ Bertrand Russell
  

• "Don't preach from your wounds. Preach from your scars." ~ Nadia Bolz-Weber

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

It’s a jungle out there for functional neurotics looking for love. Dating demands you bring your best self to the table, but what truths do we disguise in our effort to make ourselves more appealing and palatable to others?

In this episode, Dr. Ash King and I discuss:

• What it means to be passionate and intense when potential mates are looking for someone laid back and easygoing

• Going with your gut when a dynamic doesn’t feel right

• Why it feels risky to put your big feelings on display too soon

• And why it’s alright to be an acquired taste

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Show notes

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

“There is no such thing as work-life balance.
Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.”

Alain de Botton

Do you routinely cut yourself off from feeling?

Do you bristle at the idea of having to perform a “work-friendly” version of yourself?

There are many ways we compartmentalise ourselves and our emotions.

In this episode, Dr. Ash King and I discuss:

• The themes of the popular TV series Severance and what they mean for authenticity and emotional truth

• Taking a break from the “performance of identity”

• Emotional pain avoidance and why it’s not a workable strategy

• And the healing power of feeling in concert with others

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Show notes

The Center for Contemplative Enrichment hosted the silent meditation retreat Daron describes in this episode. He also wrote about it here.

“Emotions are like children. You don't want them driving the car, but you shouldn't stuff them in the trunk either."

Collective Illusions: Conformity, Complicity and the Science of Why We Make Bad Decisions by Todd Rose

Severance (2022—) created by Dan Erickson, directed by Ben Stiller and others

The Substance (2024) directed by Coralie Fargeat

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) directed by Michel Gondry

The ending we spoiled:

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

In this episode, we chat about:

• Pre-gaming emotional tiffs before they blow out

• Growing out of the allure of the soulmate and having grown-up conversations

• Sharing our observations, feelings, and what we need in our relationships

• And what happens when we say what we want but still don’t get it?

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Show notes

• Design Matters with Debbie Millman: Love and sex with Alain de Botton

  "My view of human nature is that all of us are only just holding it together in various ways. And that's ok. We just need to go easy with one another, knowing that we are all these incredibly fragile beings."

• The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

• Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling

• Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication by Oren Jay Sofer

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

We explore:

• Whether complex emotions are the culprits luring us into overthinking

• Why “why” is a fraught question to ask ourselves when we’re feeling vulnerable

• How to get out of our heads and into our bodies with mindfulness-based inquiry

• And the challenge smart people face in stepping away from the intellectual into something more poetic and slippery

  
  

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Show notes

• Gary from Connecticut, "We don’t need your under-thinking thoughts."

• Kristin Neff, Loving Kindness with Self-Compassion (Insight Timer)

• Edie Brickell, Me By The Sea

I'm in the habit of being alone
I try hard to break it I can't on my own

---

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Follow Daron and Ash on Instagram and be part of the conversation via our channel.

Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen.

“There's a comfort in the familiarity of worrying, even though
I know it has no impact on what I’m worrying about.”

Overthinking is the plight of many of us big feelers, but if it leaves us feeling worse, why do we do it at all?

What might we do instead?

In this episode, we chat about:

• Grey’s Anatomy as a tool of emotional catharsis

• Whether rumination is the same as a compulsive behavior

• What a mozzie bite is and whether or not you should scratch one

• The itchiness of emotionally-charged 2:00 a.m. thoughts

• How can we mindfully intervene when we’re lured by the siren song of overthinking?

Show notes

Grey’s Anatomy (2005 —)

Freaky Friday (2003)

”Anger and Catharsis: Myth, Metaphor or Reality?” [Psychology Today]

You Are Not A Rock: A Step-by-Step Guide to Better Mental Health (for Humans)
by Mark Freeman (YouTube, Instagram)

“Why Do I Get So Hot When I Sleep?” [Sleep Foundation]

“Nick Wignall Sleeps Better By Worrying Deliberately” [The Art of Attention]

Mason, A. E., Kasl, P., Soltani, S., Green, A., Hartogensis, W., Dilchert, S., Chowdhary, A., Pandya, L. S., Siwik, C. J., Foster, S. L., Nyer, M., Lowry, C. A., Raison, C. L., Hecht, F. M., & Smarr, B. L. (2024). Elevated body temperature is associated with depressive symptoms: Results from the TemPredict Study. Scientific Reports, 14(1), 1884. (link)

Listen, subscribe, and write a review on your favorite podcast platform.

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Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen

Is it possible to learn how to communicate better so they can better understand your emotional ways?

In this episode of Interfering Neurotic, Dr. Ash King and I chat about:

• The need for role models who feel their big feelings effectively

• Two non-threatening questions to ask the non-neurotics in your life when you’re tearing your hair out trying to decipher their emotional clues

• The illusion of empathy and how making assumptions about other people’s emotional states can be a slippery slope

• The messes we create when fueled by our desire for resolution and learning to sit with uncertainty instead

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You can also listen on your favorite podcast platform.

Check out Daron’s speaker bio, online practice schedule, and Ash’s shop, which features mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merch, and upcoming courses or workshops.

Podcast theme music by Nikita Karmen

How might we create a new narrative for emotionality that doesn't leave us branded as walking disasters?

In this conversation, we cover:

• Ash’s mindfulness spa experiment and how marathon training is like a meditation retreat

• Other people’s discomfort with your discomfort and the agony of being told, You’ve got this!

• Becoming emotionally bilingual with a partner whose love language involves spreadsheets

• Taking responsibility for our big feelings and exploring the quest to become more emotionally elegant

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  ---

Previous episodes:

1. How to Be Neurotic

2. Emotionally Unstable? Who, Me?

3. The Art of Oversharing

4. Feeling Your Feelings 101

You can also listen on your favorite podcast platform.

We love hearing from you! You can get in touch via email ash at ashking.com.au and daron at daronlarson.com

We’re both active on Instagram: @ashking & @daronlarson.

Find us. Follow us. DM us!

Join the conversation via our Interfering Neurotic Instagram channel.

Check out Ash’s Heavy Mental shop for mental health and mindfulness goodies, Heavy Mental merchandise, and information about her upcoming courses or workshops. 

This episode explores:

• The difference between feelings and emotions

• How to tease apart physical vs emotional sensations

• How rushing to make sense of our feelings gets in the way of feeling them

• Ash's dating life and how it feels—literally

And we leave you with a mini-challenge to try out in your own life to become a better emotional connoisseur.

My Emotional Meteorology exercise will help.

Show notes:

• “You Aren’t at the Mercy of Your Feelings—Your Brain Creates Them,” TED Talk by Lisa Feldman Barrett

• “Mapping Emotions On The Body: Love Makes Us Warm All Over,” Michaeleen Doucleff, Dec. 30, 2013.

• 100 Days of Rejection Therapy from Jia Jiang

• Misattribution of Fear for Arousal (the scary bridge study)
  Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510–517. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0037031, https://bit.ly/3Dsm6HJ

Is the impulse more urgent when you're neurotic?

Dr. Ash King and I pick up where we left off at the end of our second podcast conversation to chat about the perils and benefits of publicizing your raw feelings.

We explore:

• The urge to take our private journaling public

• The personality types that have an easier time keeping it real

• The benefits of spilling your guts online

• Is living mindfully incongruent with doing it “for the plot”?

• Performance anxiety—but the role is acting human

We also leave you with three key things to consider before sharing your inner world elsewhere.

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You can also stream Interfering Neurotic on your favorite platform.

Show notes:

• What Do I Know?: Essential Essays by Montaigne
  

• Ash’s PhD thesis: “The Real, Ideal and False Me: Online. How Authentic Self-Expression on Social Media Platforms Relates to Personality, Self-Concept Presentation and Self-Disclosure Behaviours”
  

• “The Appeal of ‘Real’ in Parasocial Interaction: The Effect of Self-Disclosure on Message Acceptance via Perceived Authenticity and Liking” by Hye Soo Nah

• Openness — curious, imaginative, open-minded, embracing new experiences.

• Conscientiousness — organized, responsible, self-disciplined, careful planners

• Extraversion — outgoing, energetic, seek social engagement

• Agreeableness — cooperative, empathetic, compassionate, plays well with others

• Neuroticism — emotional instability, anxiety, moodiness, tendency to worry

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Wait…what? Emotionally unstable?

Who, me?

I've always had big feelings, but I feel more stable than I used to.

What about you?

Do you have big feelings?

In a relationship with someone who does?

How's it going?

Listen in as Dr. Ash King and I catch up and unpack the subtraits comprising the “neurotic” dimension of our personalities.

We also explore:

• The reality show that is US politics and how we feel about it

• Art and creativity as a safe space for the emotional experience

• The benefits of being more objective in response to our subjective experiences

• And the pros and cons of sharing our feelings and struggles with the wider world

The show notes links to related resources and audio streaming options.

We’re calling our new podcast Interfering Neurotic, taken from a line in The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley: 

“For the moment the interfering neurotic who, in waking hours, tries to run the show, was blessedly out of the way.”

Have you been told you were too sensitive? 

Do you relish your pleasant emotions but resist the uncomfortable ones?

Have you found ways to untangle yourself from a nasty spiral or avoid getting tangled up in one sometimes? 

The world needs you and your big feelings. We need each other to discover ways to respond to them well. 

We will talk about navigating life with the curses and blessings of big feelings—including why we think, feel, and act the way we do (sometimes against our better judgment).

We’d love you to listen, share your thoughts, and help us spread the word. 

In our first episode (link in profile), we explore:

• what’s up in our lives currently

• what it means to be neurotic

• the first time we thought our feelings might be more robust than they are for others

• what keeps us grounded and gives us hope when feelings get intense

Take the Big Five Personality Traits test (free) to learn more about the tool and yourself. 

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